I thought I’d follow the route that a lot of retailers seem to be going at the moment, and talk about Christmas. Why not, It’s only September? If I had the time, I’d probably have been talking about Christmas way back in June or something. Really.

I was happily walking along the shopping centre today when I noticed in the Marks & Spencer window that they were advertising Christmas wrapping paper. Wait. Wrapping paper? In September? We’re not even in October, let alone December! Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I always thought that Christmas was a December thing. You know, birth of jesus and all things holy like that.

So we carried on walking and then witnessed the picture you see to the left. Christmas cards. Is this so that I can send them out early in case I forget? Or is royal mail so bad it takes them three months to deliver?

I’m no scrooge, but if anyone talks to me or tries to sell me something relating to Christmas before the middle of December, things will get messy.

An accountant is suing Marks & Spencer for more than £300,000 after claiming he injured himself during a shopping trip by slipping on a grape.
Alexander Martin-Sklan, 55, from Golders Green, north London, tore the tendon in his right leg in the car park of his local branch in June 2004.

He said a piece of fruit found on his shoe after the fall could have been picked up inside the store or car park.

The retail giant is contesting the High Court claim.

Mr Martin-Sklan, who is representing himself, is claiming for lost earnings on top of his general damages, because “loss of confidence” and depression following his injury led to him being unable to recruit new clients and contacts for his business.

He also said the physical effects stopped him from skiing and playing football or tennis.

The hearing is set to last two days.

Fair enough to the injury and loss of earnings, but loss of confidence? What the heck’s that about!? That’s like saying the chicken legs in the meat aisle scared me so I’m becoming vegetarian.

A council has ordered an elderly couple to tear down a fence it put up itself.
Pensioners Margaret and Douglas Aveyard were told the 6ft barrier needed planning permission and that they faced court if it was not dismantled.
Margaret, 78, said: “It’s absolutely ludicrous. We’re sick with worry.”
The fence was put up by Harrow Council in Middlesex to replace a hedge workers destroyed when laying a pavement 18 months ago.
It said the situation “would be resolved”.

Ivan Segedin’s subterfuge killed him when he was in a head-on car crash while wearing a fake seatbelt, a coroner says.
“Ultimately Mr Segedin’s actions in driving without a seatbelt have cost him his life in an accident that he may well have survived had he worn one,” coroner Carla na Nagara said yesterday.

Mr Segedin, 39, refused to wear a seatbelt and had been fined for not wearing one 32 times since February 2003.

I posted just over a week ago about a thief in the US who was determined to steal the copper from a substation whilst it was still live. It appears some slightly moronic criminals in the UK have attempted a similar theft.

A ‘thief’ who tried to cut power lines on the border of Derbyshire and Nottinghamshire was lucky to be alive, an electricity distributor said.
Central Networks said the person would at least have had severe hand burns.

Engineers found a hacksaw embedded in a live 11,000 voltage cable with a lit blowtorch nearby after being called to Creswell late on Saturday night.

Phil Wilson, Customer Operations Manager with Central Networks, said: “The sheer stupidity of cutting through power cables should be glaringly obvious to everyone.

“At the very least putting the hacksaw through the cable would have created an almighty bang and the line would have burned for quite a few seconds, showering them with molten copper.

“The thief left their tools behind so we can only assume they left in a great hurry or they were injured and were dragged away by an accomplice.